The Old Blog

Saddam Hussein’s sons are believed to have been killed in a firefight.

Update: It’s true; they identified the bodies.

Oliver Willis tells us about the air strikes Rummy ordered before we went to war with Iraq. Bad enough, but this quote from the New York Times is the kicker:

Air war commanders were required to obtain the approval of Defense Secretary Donald L. Rumsfeld if any planned airstrike was thought likely to result in deaths of more than 30 civilians. More than 50 such strikes were proposed, and all of them were approved.

If each of those strikes resulted in 60 civilians, it would be 3,000–roughly the number of American civilians who died in the 9/11 attacks–all before we officially went to war. If each strike “only” killed 30, that’s still over halfway there.

Fox News reports that Russell Weller, the man who drove through the farmer’s market in San Francisco, may have been fleeing another accident, in which he hit a Mercedes. Weller, whose neighbors described him as “mentally sharp” and “alert” killed 10 people and wounded more than 50. You also might notice that at the bottom of the “mentally alert” story, there is a quote about Weller being a Democrat. Fair and balanced.

To prove that some places have already gotten the message, here is a list of the states that have special drivers license requirements for the elderly.

Kielty: 3-4 with a homer.
Stewart: 0-5.

Yeah, it’s a small sample size, but it doesn’t bode well for the future.

At least the Twins won.

Not much of consequence happened during the live portion of the Rose trial, but I will report tomorrow on the few things that did.

Just got back from the filming of Pete Rose on Trial–here’s the recap.

My friend and roommate Jill “The Tall Tall Girl From the Small Small State” Passano works at Harvard Law School, and through her connections, was able to get me a press pass as a “journalist.” Yes, I do some stringer work for the Norwood Bulletin, but after calling a dozen papers yesterday, I still couldn’t find anyone willing to pay me for a story. Luckily, I was able to convince the people in charge (including two ESPN employees) that I was legit. I also ripped off a Diet Coke that was for crew only. Hoarding food–if that’s not a classic sportswriter trait, I don’t know what is.

So I get there at 1:15 (thanks, unemployment!) and find a seat directly behind a bunch of important looking men. On closer examination, they are, holy crap, the witnesses! I am literally breathing the same air as Bill James, Dave Parker, Bill “Spaceman” Lee, and Steve Garvey! Meanwhile, ESPN crew people, any one of whom has a job I would relish, are running around like 4-legged chicken. I’m sitting in the middle of my wet dream. Thinking about it, I really should have come more prepared–who knew I’d be so close to such influential people? I could even have handed James my Red Sox application!

Bob Ley is down front. He looks about three times better with a suitcoat on than when he’s just in a white shirt. He’s a big guy. Karen Guregian from the Boston Herald is sitting near me. She must be the one they told me was “already covering the story” when I pitched it to them yesterday. She doesn’t look happy to be here, especially after I tell her (erroneously, as it turned out), that the seat she was in was reserved for witnesses. As is the case most times I try to make media contacts, the nicest people are the freelancers–the ones who have nothing to offer you, job-wise.

The audience arrives at 1:40. Yeah, they get to sit closer than I do, but did they get free soda? Catherine Crier takes her place behind the bench. And there’s Dersh (Alan Dershowitz)! Wonder how he’ll do as a prosecuting attorney. Wonder what rhymes Johnny Cochran will come up with. “His hits were legit, so you must acquit?” “He played the game, now give him some Fame?” “Fine him, then enshrine him?”

The stage manager looks like a Grateful Dead roadie. They start with a Pete Rose montage–chronicling his career highlights (hit record, running into Ray Fosse, fighting with Bud Harrelson). Bob Ley’s pre-taped stand-up comes on. “Only immortals are in the Hall of Fame,” he says. Someone better tell Ray Schalk.

Between them, Dersh and Johnny have defended Klaus von Bulow, Michael Milliken, Mike Tyson, Michael Jackson (what’s up with the Michaels?), Sean “Puffy,” “Puff Daddy,” “P-Diddy,” “Talentless Hack” Combs, and of course, Mr. OJ Simpson. Catherine Crier is the youngest state judge elected in Texas history. And if that doesn’t impress you, did you know she had a show on Court TV?

Opening argument time. Dersh flashes Cochran a big smile as he begins. Oh, it’s one of those mock trials. Anyway, Dersh uses the “I love Pete Rose and want to see him in the Hall, but a rule’s a rule” argument. Cochran starts his case. He is wearing a U-G-L-Y (you ain’t got no alibi) blue suit. Come to think of it, that mustache should go, too. Anyway, he sounds just like the guy who used to parody him on Seinfeld. He calls the people quoted in the Dowd report “snitches.” I feel so patronized; could he not have come up with a better word? He may as well have said “Jansen is a no-good dirty Welsher.” Strangely, both lawyers told the jury to “do the right thing.” Ah yes, and lest we believe that Johnny has changed, he pulls out his first rhyme of the night: “If you take out everybody in the Hall of Fame with a character flaw, it wouldn’t be the Hall of Fame, it would be the Hall of Shame.” Thanks, Johnny. We’ve heard that one before.

First witness for the prosecution: Lester Mason, who looks like Billy Graham. Lester writes about athletes gone bad for Sports Illustrated. Dersh lets Lester talk about the Dowd report, Rose’s fingerprints on baseball betting slips, fake checks, et al. Johnny starts his cross-examination with a reference to the University of Chicago Law School as the best law school on the south side of Chicago. Dersh objects. Haha. Would have been funnier had he understood that Johnny said “on the south side of Chicago,” not “in the world,” Mr. Harvard Man. Anyway, Johnny’s big point here is that the rule that says the Hall won’t admit any players on baseball’s permanently ineligible list was created in 1991–two years after Rose signed the agreement to be permanently banned (with an unspoken agreement that he would be allowed into the Hall). Johnny blames Fay Vincent, who witnessed the signing, for changing the rule when he became commissioner (Commissioner Giamatti had a fatal heart attack a month after Rose signed the agreement). Johnny has a point. He also brings up the fact that part of the agreement stipulated that MLB would present no findings about Rose’s alleged gambling and that they would not contradict the agreement, which stated that it was neither an admission nor a denial of Rose’s guilt. Dersh contends that Shoeless Joe was still banned before the new rule, but on the other hand, it would be hard for Shoeless Joe to apply for reinstatement, as he has been dead for decades. In addition, Shoeless Joe admitted he accepted money to throw the 1919 World Series; Rose made no admissions regarding betting on baseball.

Dersh calls Jim Palmer to the stand–but Palmer already underwent questioning and cross-examination a few days ago. They play the video for us. Palmer still looks quite young, but I can’t shake the fact that this is the voice that keeps trying to get me to call The Money Store for my credit problems. Anyway, Palmer thinks Pete should admit his sins, and then maybe he could get in. Johnny asks whether Palmer realized how much it would cost to fight the entity of MLB. Dersh reminds Johnny that various “prominent” lawyers offered to take Pete’s case for free. Wonder if that group includes Dersh.

The next video package reminds us that Leo Durocher was suspended for a year for hanging out with gamblers, and Willie Mays and Mickey Mantle were suspended when they did some work for a casino after retiring. The decision was reversed in 1985 by the great Peter Ueberroth. Man, we need another commissioner like him.

Dersh calls Dr. John Grant from Brown U, which will be my brother’s alma mater once he graduates next May. (From the Simpsons: “Hey Otto, weren’t you at Brown?” “Yeah, almost got tenure, too.”) Grant testifies that people in debt will do outrageous things, and that a gambler has to admit he has a problem before he can be helped. Johnny gets Grant to admit that gambling addiction is a sickness, like alcoholism or drug addiction, and that MLB could benefit from someone like Grant educating the players about said addiction.

Steve Garvey is Dersh’s fourth witness. He testifies that every spring training, someone tells all the players about rule 21D: don’t gamble on the game, or you’re barred for life. Garvey likes Pete personally, but “he has a problem, and that’s gambling.” Garvey says the one thing missing from Pete’s life is the Hall of Fame. Johnny does a poor job on cross-examination, basically informing Garvey of various facts without really getting him to present any information. After they cut, Garvey is confused over whether he should stay in the witness chair or not–finally, sheepishly, he does, but not before the audience is laughing at him. These are the insights you only get with someone who was actually there!

Dersh calls Dan Shaughnessy, who writes for the Boston Globe. Dan offers a quick recap of the Black Sox scandal, then reminds Dersh that there was no Hall of Fame voting until the 1940s, so Shoeless Joe wasn’t banned from the Hall until well after he had retired. Dan reminds us that Pete already is in the Hall in many ways–his balls, his records–just no plaque. He says Pete loved betting more than he loved baseball. Johnny comes in and Dan admits that when Pete signed the agreement, he expected to be on the Hall of Fame ballot in a year. Johnny again goes off on how Fay Vincent changed the rules. Dan says, “the commissioner can do anything he wants…it’s not like a courtroom; he has ultimate power.” At this, the judge laughs. Johnny starts comparing Vincent to a king, and says that if the people want something, the King should not acquiesce. Only Johnny didn’t say acquiesce; heaven forbid he use a word that large in front of a jury.

One last funny note: Dan said that one good thing to come out of Buckner’s error in the ’86 Series was that nobody thought he was gambling, and therefore, baseball had regained the trust lost in the Black Sox scandal. Dersh tells Dan, “you’re the only person who found anything good about Buckner’s error.” Well, except for Mets fans, Dersh. Way to play the hometown crowd, though.

Now it’s time for the defense’s witnesses. Johnny leads off with a big hitter: Hank Aaron (on video). Unfortunately, it is soon evident that Hammerin’ Hank is only there as a big name, not as someone particularly knowledgable about Rose’s situation. Aaron tells Johnny that Rose got a bigger ovation at the “All Century Team” awards in Atlanta than he did–and he used to be a Brave! The audience laughs good-naturedly. Aaron’s lack of knowledge about the situation plays right into Dersh’s hands. Dersh asks Aaron, “If I proved that Pete Rose bet on baseball, would you change your mind?” Aaron says yes. Dersh gives the betting slip and phone call evidence, and Aaron sort of skirts around it. He finally says that if Pete admitted he bet on baseball, it would be to his advantage.

You know what’s weird? They set the clock in the room ahead five hours, so when it shows up on camera, it will look live.

Another video package. They keep throwing out the 4,192 hits, but if I recall correctly, the people at Total Baseball found that Cobb had been credited with a couple too many, and thus, Rose broke the record with hit number 4,190. This info came too late for Eric Show, the pitcher who gave up the hit, who tragically committed suicide partially due to the shame he felt in doing so. In the video, Frank Defore quotes Richie Ashburn as saying that Rose “was the most obsessive person I’ve ever seen,” especially regarding baseball, sex, and gambling.

Johnny calls Arnie Wexler. With a name like that, who’d'a thunk he’d be a tough-looking former compulsive gambler from Jersey? Wexler reveals that current professional baseball and football players have called his 1-800-LAST-BET hotline, trying to stop their compulsive gambling. He says sports need to get proactive about the issue. Johnny should figure out a way to ask Dersh if he thought all these players should be kicked out of the game, but he doesn’t. Dersh counters again with the “You have to admit you need help” argument, but Wexler reminds him that MLB sends its drug and alcohol addicts into treatment and accepts them back, while it either ignores or kicks out compulsive gamblers–people with the same basic problem. Wexler also reminds Dersh that Rose admitted being a compulsive gambler on “Donahue” back in 1989–the year he was banned.

Another video montage, including Mike Schmidt’s induction speech, in which he advocated Rose’s enshrinement, to thunderous applause.

Johnny calls Bill James. There he is, the man whose mind and obsession with numbers and the scientific method changed the way millions of people think about baseball. During the previous commercial break, a male reporter near me tries to explain a little about James and sabermetrics. He’s talking out of his ass as though he were Joe Morgan.

Interesting thing about Bill James. He introduces himself as a baseball writer first, Red Sox employee second. James thinks that 14 years is a long enough time to make a point about gambling being bad, and that it’s time to let it go. He also brings up the cases of pro football stars Paul Hornung and Alex Karras (Mr. Papadapolis on “Webster”), who bet on football, admitted it, and were suspended for a year, with the league no worse for allowing them back. He tells Johnny that when Rose signed the agreement, he was still officially eligible for the Hall of Fame.

In comes Dersh, teeth bared. Bam! “You claimed Jansen’s girlfriend failed a lie detector test.” “You made it up.” “Look on page 52.”

James tries to say that he saw an earlier version of the report, and that he heard she failed the test on 20/20, but Dersh won’t let him speak.

Bam! “You’re wrong!” “Did she fail the test or did you make a serious mistake?”

James says, “I’ve made my serious mistake, but that’s not one of them.” “It’s been reported that…”

Bam! “It’s been reported? Is that how you get your info?” Dersh is going nuts! People are getting uncomfortable. James tries to say that two bookie-types quoted in the Dowd report are not credible (one never met Rose, and both are shady guys to begin with), when BAM! “Have you even read it?”

James misspeaks regarding an incorrect day of the year, and Dersh is on it like Oprah on the beef industry. “What was it, the 367th day of the year?”

Finally, the judge orders Dersh off James, and Johnny comes in for his redirect. James tells Johnny that indeed 50 players have spent time on the permently ineligible list have gotten in, including Negro Leaguers and a few others who got in once rules were changed. Without Fay Vincent, James thinks Rose would be in the Hall already. Johnny is done, but Dersh wants to ask another question. Asshole. Naturally, the judge says “no further questions.” Dersh persists. “But it’s a good one.” Give it up, Dersh. You’re whining like Blair Hornstine.

They introduce Bill Lee as a “celebrated free-thinker.” Which, of course, either means crazy or druggie. Johnny asks him a question, and we cut–there’s no audio. “Excuse moi?” asks Lee. Yet another example of something you’ll never see on ESPN, but you can read for free right here.

Lee has the audience in stitches. He mentions his book about “revisionist Red Sox history,” in which the Sox win all the time while the Yankees lose, and the crowd erupts into cheers. Lee talks about pitcher Gaylord Perry’s K-Y Jelly balls–which, you have to admit, is a funny phrase–and mentions that he once deliberately showed the umpire he was throwing spitballs, but nothing happened to him. He says Rose is a “pain in the ass,” but he was the “greatest two-strike hitter ever.” He also says that cheating is inherent in baseball, and that Rose never played a game to lose. He thinks betting carries too much of a stigma, and that Rose should be in the Hall right next to Charles Comiskey–the man who, had he actually paid his players on-time and with decent wages, could have singlehandedly avoided the Black Sox scandal. Lee goes into former Red Sox owner Tom Yawkey’s racism, and tells us the story of Ed DeBartolo, who attempted to buy a baseball team, but was rejected because he owned a racetrack. Other owners had racehorses, but a track was too much. DeBartolo now owns the San Francisco 49ers, and there have been no problems in the NFL stemming from his track ownership.

Lee concludes by saying it’s time to forgive and forget, and after Johnny says, “you’re not gonna hang him?” Lee responds with, “not unless I do it myself.” Lee, a mock trial witness, walks off to huge applause.

Dave Parker comes on as the final witness. He played with and for Rose, and never saw any impropriety. Parker admitted drug use back in the 70s, and wasn’t kicked out of baseball. He, too, wants Rose to apologize if he bet on baseball–which, again, Parker never saw happen. Dersh sets himself up for a joke by asking Parker whether Rose had “two strikes against him.” When Parker agrees, Dersh says Pete was a good two-strike hitter. Nice try, Dersh.

Before closing arguments begin, Dersh wants the jury to answer two questions instead of one. The original question was whether Rose should be in the Hall of Fame. Dersh wants the jury to answer whether they think he bet on baseball, and, if so, whether they think he belongs in the Hall. Given Johnny’s previous diatribe against the evils of changing the rules in the middle of something, he obviously disagrees. So does the judge.

Johnny has the first closing argument. Here’s the theme: Enough is enough. He repeats it, for the hard of hearing. He says the Hall of Fame is a museum, and you wouldn’t keep Van Gogh out of the Louvre due to a drinking problem, would you? Johnny brings back the concept of snitches and how bad they are (especially the ones with stars on their bellies…oh, wait, that’s Sneetches). He talks about how baseball’s higher-ups were convinced of Rose’s guilt before the Dowd Report came out, and once again compares baseball comissioner to king. If we weren’t in such a lily-white town, this is where the race card would have been played. Johnny is really getting into it. He sounds like a stereotypical southern preacher. I’m listening for an “A-men, brother!” but one never comes. Johnny finishes up by saying, “It’s time to bring Pete Rose home–home to the Hall of Fame. You have the power to do the right thing.” Funny how that whole “right thing” didn’t come up during the OJ trial.

Dersh opens his closing by saying he loves baseball and Rose. OK, we get it, Dersh. You’re the sympathetic guy who hates to be the one to have to enforce the rules. Dersh repeats a mantra I’ve now heard at least a half-dozen times: baseball is a game of rules. Very few games don’t have rules, but hey, who’s counting? Dersh makes a good point regarding Johnny’s arguments: Johnny is saying two things– 1) That Rose didn’t bet on baseball, and 2) That even if he did, it’s irrelevant. Dersh goes back into the sympathetic guy mode. Before he read the Dowd Report, he didn’t want to believe that Rose bet on baseball. He’d generate a tear, but I don’t think he’s capable. He tells the jury to vote for Johnny if they think Rose didn’t bet on baseball. He then asks the jury to ask themselves two questions: the same ones he wanted to ask before. Ah, yes, and what would this be without another stupid rhyme? Courtesy of Dersh, with apologies to Johnny: “If you bet on the game, there’s no Hall of Fame.” Someone hand me a bucket.

This is the part of the Gleeman-length entry where I sum things up and throw out my opinion. Both Dersh and Johnny looked like parodies of real people–Dersh of the obnoxious Jewish lawyer (think Mr. Burns’ high-pitched lawyer with glasses on the Simpsons) and Johnny of the “preacher man” who wants us to “a-rise up” against the powers that push us down, be they Satan, whitey, or the commissioner of baseball (think Jackie Chiles on Seinfeld). Both men pandered to the audience and both patronized the jury–admittedly this jury was more learned than most they probably see, but nonetheless, they came off poorly. The two lawyers talked past each other a number of times, and both got bogged down in the issue of whether Rose bet on baseball, rather than the issue of whether he should be in the Hall of Fame. I think Cochran would have had a better (bettor? haha) case had he assumed Rose’s guilt and gone for the “Fay Vincent changed the rules” defense. After all, most people who want Rose in the Hall are 99.999% sure he’s guilty; the desire to see him enshrined is an emotional one. I think these people agree with Bill James when he said that 14 years was enough for baseball to make its point. Besides, when all is said and done, most people aren’t likely to change their minds on either side of this emotional issue because of some three-hour mock trial. So yeah, the Internet vote will be overwhelming in favor of Rose and Cochran, and ESPN will have some nice ratings for the night. And Dersh’s kid, who works for ESPN and came up with the idea of this trial, will have another nice “created by” credit to put on his resume.

Minnie Minoso, the ageless wonder, played professional baseball in his seventh different decade last night, when he was the DH for the Saint Paul Saints. Showing a good batting eye, Minoso walked in the first inning before being pulled. He played in the Major Leagues from 1949 to 1964, and came back for batting appearances in 1976, 1980, 1993, and yesterday.

Yesterday, an 86-year-old California man drove a Buick through three blocks of a farmer’s market, killing 9 and injuring more than 50. The man claims that he confused the brake and accelerator–for three blocks?! What’s even more ridiculous is that police released him. Chief James T. Butts (make your own joke) said, “Right now it looks as though there may be some negligence as far as his capacity to drive safely.” That’s right: the guy plowed through three blocks, killed more people on American soil than Al-Qaeda and SARS combined this year, and there may be some negligence. Witness testimonies vary, but some claim he was accelerating and weaving through the street. When he finally stopped the car, it was resting on top of a woman.

Across the country, a 60-year-old Florida man who ran into 14 bicyclers because he claims he “got water in his eye” is going to be hauled into court, but only for a charge of careless driving.

Mandatory tests need to be given to drivers over 55. Yes, teens get into more accidents per year, but seniors get into more accidents per capita and per mile driven. They also seem to back into shopping centers more often. “The accelerator got stuck,” and “I confused the brake and accelerator,” the most common excuses, are not excusable. Teens’ problems (carelessness and overconfidence) can be fixed; senior citizens’ problems (slowed reaction times, poorer senses of sight and hearing) will just continue to deteriorate. If an 18-year-old ran through hundreds of people in a crowded farmer’s market, they’d have dozens of charges filed against them. Somehow, being senile is an excuse for vehicular homicide, but being inexperienced is not.

“But I can drive just fine.” Good, then pass the test. Then, at least if someone kills another nine innocent people, we’ll at least know that they were intentionally breaking the law by driving without a license.

I’m going to see Pete Rose’s Mock Trial tomorrow at Harvard Law School. Unfortunately, I haven’t found a newspaper willing to pay me for an article. So watch here tomorrow afternoon around 4-5 Eastern if you want to read details before the trial is aired on ESPN.

According to this article, Metallica is suing Canadian band Unfaith for using the E and F chords together in their music–a Metallica staple. Here’s Metallica’s response. The story has already hit the airwaves, and according to a band member, Rolling Stone is interested in writing an article about it.

Problem is, the story is a hoax (though the airwaves/Rolling Stone part is true). The band copied the MTV news and Metallica webpages and posted it to scoopthis.com–a parody/humor site, in an attempt to either get some attention, make fun of Metallica, or both. Some might disagree, but I think they made their point–and if they make any money off this, more (Canadian) power to them.

The sad part is, with Lars Ulrich and company’s litigious past, most people wouldn’t find the story that hard to believe. The even sadder part is that, with Lars Ulrich and company’s litigious past, a lawsuit for defamation of character (which is, I believe, covered under satire laws) is forseeable in the near future.