The Old Blog

I don’t even need to watch the rest of the season to know that the Twins are going to miss the playoffs, barring a huge change in the way they are managed.

Case in point: tonight’s fourth inning. The leadoff batter, Doug Mientkiewicz, walked. Torii Hunter struck out. Not content to have a slow white guy on first base, Ron Gardenhire put on the delayed steal, and Minky was easily thrown out. So with two outs and nobody on, A.J. Pierzynski singles and Royals pitcher Jeremy Affeldt’s next pitch hits Fatty LeCroy. We could have had the bases juiced with one out, but that was too good for Gardy. Jacque Jones comes up and gets ahead in the count, 3-0. “Great,” I think. “He’s finally showing some plate discipline.” Not so. Like an idiot, Gardenhire has apparently given Jones, one of the freest swingers on the club, the green light on 3 and 0. Needless to say, Jones swings and pops it up.

Want more evidence? Let’s go all the way back to the first inning. Leadoff hitter Shannon “slightly worse than Bobby Kielty in every way” Stewart singles. Good for him. Gardy sends Stewart, who has the grand total of one stolen base this year. Stew is out, and we’ve wasted a baserunner. Luis “Oh-For-ThRivas” (thanks to Gleeman for the nickname) obviously strikes out, and there are two out with nobody on, instead of one out with a runner on first. So what happens next? Of course. Doug Mientkiewicz doubles–a hit that either would have scored Stewart, or at the very least would have put two runners in scoring position with one out. Torii Hunter flew out for the third out of the inning–though if Gardy wasn’t so “aggressive” (read: stupid) on the basepaths, it would have been a sacrifice fly.

It’s time for Gardy to realize that this team has no clue how to steal bases. He shouldn’t give the steal sign again, period, until someone teaches this team how to read a pitcher’s motion and get a good jump. Stolen bases aren’t the offensive weapon Gardy seems to believe they are. So far today, two failed attempts have taken the Twins out of rallies, and the one inning in which the Twins stole a base (Jones stole 2nd and 3rd in the second inning with two out–why steal third with two out when a hit will drive the runner in from second anyway??), they didn’t score. Yes, they are a “young” team, but that excuse won’t work for long. They’re a fast team, too. Let’s see them use that speed in a productive manner.

Taco Bell‘s new commercials tout acontest that will give one lucky customer free gas for 12 months. I find this strange, as Taco Bell has been giving me free gas for years.

SportsCenter just wasted six minutes in a People-like rundown of Hollywood movies, tying them ever-so-loosely to the fact that the actors like sports. I’m sorry. I love movies and I love sports, but the last thing I want to see on ESPN is what amounts to a 6-minute commercial for “Gigli,” Justin Timberlake, and “Freddy vs. Jason,” all hosted by the (blonde and peppy) Alex Flanagan. Leave it on E! where it belongs, people.

Former President Clinton, calling in to Larry King Live yesterday, took the blame off Dubya for the Uranium/CIA snafu. After all the crap thrown at him by the right during his time in office, it is impressive that Clinton was able to tell people to get off Bush’s back, even though misleading the country about nukes is much worse than misleading the country about a blowjob.

This story is tragic. Brianna Nelson, a blind girl attending to a camp for blind children, drowned after her blind counselors couldn’t find her in the water. But the worst part is this quote from her father, Carl Nelson: “There’s no blame here — it was just her time to go.” Just her time to go?? She was, literally, the blind being led by the blind, not an 88-year-old cancer victim! How fatalist and simplistic can you get? And how cold can you be to dismiss your daughter’s death (a death that could easily have been prevented) as something that was just preordained–as though she would have died at that moment, regardless of where she was?

Here’s a quote from the Joyce Scanlan, executive director of Blind, Inc. (what a name!), the company that sponsored the camp: “When something like this happens, you do think about the fact they were blind and wonder. But I believe that blindness — either in the child or the counselors — had nothing to do with this. There are many sighted children who also drown.” Right. Because seeing the drowning child wouldn’t have helped find her any faster. There are many sighted people who can’t drive very well, but that’s no excuse to start handing out licenses to the blind.

Look, I’m further left politically than most people who read this blog. I’m all for persons with disabilities being empowered and encouraged to live independently, provided they know their limitations. I have terrible vision and a worse sense of direction. But I don’t run around the city without my contacts and a map. The fact is, when you have a camp for blind children and you leave them under the care of blind counselors while at the beach, you are playing with fire. And if I were the parent of a blind child, like Carl Nelson, I would certainly not send my seven-year-old daughter to a camp where she would be supervised by blind counselors at the beach. Furthermore, when she died, I wouldn’t think of just throwing my hands up in the air and claiming that it was unavoidable and blameless. In a case like this, there is plenty of blame to go around.

John LeBoutillier and Richard Erickson have plans to open a “Counter-Clinton Library” mere blocks from where Clinton’s Presidential Library is supposed to open next year. The library will ostensibly have stacks of evidence “proving” that Clinton wasn’t responsible for the economic boom of the mid-to-late 90s. Everybody should realize that the President’s influence over the economy is inflated more than a quarterback’s influence over a football team. Clinton didn’t have as much to do with the boom as people would think, and Dubya isn’t fully to blame for the massive (a record $450 billion this year alone–not including the war in Iraq) debt that has accumulated since he came into office. There is certainly some control there (stupid tax cuts that rely on “future” budget surpluses that never come, for instance), but not as much as is thought. And don’t think for a second that the library will just be about economics. If the word “Lewinsky,” “didn’t inhale,” “draft dodger,” or “stained blue dress” (now that would be one hell of an interactive exhibit!) manage to escape the library, I’ll eat my hat.

The saddest part about the library, however, is that it has solicited “thousands” of donations, at an average of $72 apiece. Had those people who were so interested in smearing Clinton’s record four years after he left office decided to put their money towards a worthwhile charity, or even spend it on consumer goods to stimulate the economy, they could live knowing that they did their part to help the country. Given the choice between helping the economy or spending it to see someone blamed for its poor condition, these people actually chose to spend their money to cast doubt on a presidency that began over a decade ago. Unfortunately, like the people who picket abortion clinics every weekend when they could be volunteering at soup kitchens, the energy of those who have donated to the library is misdirected and wasted.

Anyway, the library just about reaches the pinnacle of tacky anti-Clinton partisanship. By the time it opens, Bill will have been out of office for four years. Four years. And yet the response heard most often when people criticize Bush is “well, Clinton lied about a blowjob.” The Democratic party has a great opening right now to regain power in 2004, just as long as Republicans keep looking back toward Clinton. Hell, maybe Bill could run a little interference for the Dems next summer so Republican energies won’t be focused on winning the Presidentiary. The only problem is, do the Democrats have a leader strong enough to take control of the party? Maybe they could run a “Chief by Committee,” in which Edwards, Kerry, and Dean each trade weeks running the country, with Sharpton getting two Sundays a month, just to keep him quiet.

Shots were fired in New York City’s City Hall today. According to Steve Silver, there was a anti-smoking ban demonstration in New York this afternoon, as well. Whether the two are related, I don’t know. But having seen how smokers behave when they’re irritated, the connection isn’t far-fetched.

Update Sadly, James Davis, a councilman from Brooklyn, died of gunshot wounds. The shooter was killed by police gunfire, raising the death toll to two.

Latrell Spreewell may be going to the Wolves as part of a blockbuster four-team deal that allows the Timberpuppies to finally rid themselves of Terrell Brandon’s contract. The Atlanta Hawks get the contract, but ship Glenn “Big Dog” Robinson to Philadelphia. Is Robinson that much of a pain for them to willingly pay a (possibly permanently) injured player’s salary just to get rid of him? Anyway, the Knicks would get Keith van Horn from the Philadelphia 76ers, which completes the deal.

Of course, this makes a ton of sense on the Timberwolves’ side. Who better to join a team of playoff chokers than the man who once tried to strangle his own coach?

Henry Wustuk, 85, of North Hollywood, not only confused “forward” and “reverse,” he also had difficulty figuring out which pedal controlled the brake and which controlled the accelerator–two huge mix-ups within the span of 5 seconds.

The best part? He was at the local DMV for a driving test. Needless to say, the license was revoked.

People who claimed Kansas was as flat as a pancake were wrong. It’s flatter.