According to NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg, the city’s cops don’t have quotas, they have “performance measurements.”
Well that sure justifies ticketing someone for sitting on a milk crate. Or writing up a pregnant teenager for resting on a stairway.
Your children might soon know Hemingway’s classic “The Old Man and the Sea” as “The and the,” as the words “old,” “man,” and “sea” have all been banned from textbooks because the terms are ageist, sexist, and “can’t be used in case a student lives inland and doesn’t grasp the concept of a large body of water,” respectively, according to former education official Dianne Ravitch. Now I’m a sensitive guy. I think the Washington Redskins should get a different name, and the Cleveland Indians should change their mascot from the grinning, buck-toothed, red-as-W.C. Fields’-nose-skinned Native American they currently have, but this if you’re smart enough to be reading “The Old Man and the Sea,” you’re smart enough to know what a large body of water is. The problem arises partially because textbook manufacturers are trying their damnedest not to offend either the super-left (with ageism, sexism, and religion) or the super-right (by acknowledging any sort of sexuality or the slightest amount of fallibility in American historical figures). We can’t be far from banning the word “war,” due to its emotional repercussions. And then how will we study American history?
Sadly, textbooks aren’t the only place this type of uber-censorship occurs. According to the above article:
The New York Times recently reported that National Institute of Health researchers on AIDS are not only avoiding using words like gay and homosexuals in e-mails so as not to offend conservatives in the Bush administration, they are also inventing code words.
Times journalist Erica Goode reported that one researcher was told to “cleanse” the abstract of his grant proposal of words like gay, homosexual and transgender even though his research was on HIV in gay men.
It’s enough to make me want to kick the out of the who this and their all the way to. Can’t understand what I said? Try buying a textbook in a few years.
Nebraska State Senator Pam Brown is so ticked off at her constituents’ habit of crossing the border into Iowa to gamble that she proposed an amendment advocating war on the Hawkeye State.
To quote Kahnie Souphanousinphone on “King of the Hill,” “We all have those feelings…but you should never act on them.” Of course, she was talking about kicking her father in the crotch.
In 1999, Boston University professor John Schulz gave a lecture in a COM 101 class that included some quotes from Nation magazine. Unfortunately, Mr. Schulz failed to accurately attribute the quotes (quite unintentionally; possibly because class time was quickly waning), and, when an 18-year-old student posted Schulz’s mistake on the class message board, a firestorm ensued. Schulz was forced to resign his post as chairman of his department.
In 2002, BU President Jon Westling was quickly forced to leave office, after the BU Board of Trustees (and John “the one-armed bandit” Silber) decided they wanted someone else running the school. In a complete coincidence, Silber gave up his post as Chancellor (not that any students know what he does) and became the de facto President. It was, more or less, as if Batista had come back in 1975 to overthrow Castro. Westling decided to take a one-year sabbatical, after which he claimed he would return to teach. Meanwhile, Silber’s rule continues.
Earlier this month, Silber asked College of Communications Dean Brent Baker to step down, partially due to his views that the COM curriculum should include more liberal arts and less professional study. Silber also wanted (and I fully support this) to upgrade COM 101, the biggest waste of a class BU has. Baker initially resigned, intending to take a one-year sabbatical (possibly to the same vacation spot as Westling), and then returning to teach in 2004. Meanwhile, at a COM staff meeting, Film/TV department head Bill Lawson decried the actions of Silber and his cronies H. Joachim Maitre and BU professor Keith Botsford, calling them “a cabal of misfits,” garnering applause from those in attendance. Ironically, Maitre was forced to resign (and was replaced by Baker) when he failed to site sources in a commencement address. The difference between him and Schulz is that he was given adequate time to prepare and cite his speech, plus there was no time limit. Either way, Lawson was relieved of his duties as department head, and has been asked to resign. So far, he has resisted the latter suggestion.
So as bad as it was for Silber to just force Baker out, Baker’s commencement speech at the COM graduation nine days ago hastened his exit. He quoted from Silber’s Limbaugh-esque book “Straight Shooting” (a copy of which was given to all graduating BU seniors this year as a graduation present; I’m happy I got a clock instead), which claims that the best way for a dean to stick around is to “keep his head down.” Baker further read, and I quote, “A corrollary must also be noted; deans may lose their jobs and be undone precisely because they have done their jobs exceedingly well.” It’s pretty obvious he considered himself to fall into that latter category. In addition, Associate Dean Marilyn Root shocked everyone at graduation by announcing her own retirement, a decision that stemmed from the Baker situation. Well, Silber and his thugs found out, and kicked Baker out of the COM building within a week. And who is replacing him? Well none other than John Schulz, the man whose department head position was taken away four years ago.
I wasn’t a big fan of Baker, and was fairly indifferent toward Root (I like Lawson), but nobody should be treated the way they were. Silber and his, yes, cabal of misfits are prohibiting the freedom to dissent in a way not seen since…well, since last month, actually. As stupid as I feel the “ban the liberals” movement has been, I think the recent situation surrounding the College of the Communication is just as reprehensible. And lest anyone think I’m drawing a false analogy between the War in Iraq and the COM debacle, or even overstating the import of what has happened, at least I’m not as bad as Botsford, who claims that, “Academic warfare is quite worse than anything that happened in Iraq.” Somebody stop him before his head causes a solar eclipse.
Thanks to the Boston Globe for printing such an informative article, and to Georgiana Cohen for giving me a first-hand account of the COM graduation ceremony.
The venerable Stacey Rideout wrote in to tell me that Boston University did indeed have a Dumpandrun.org-like plan called “Senior Salvage,” in which departing grads donated their old belongings to charity. However, I stand by the implication in my earlier post that the John Silber Regime would be against such charity. Or, as Stacey put it, “BU doesn’t suck that much…at least my office doesn’t.”
Remember that scene at the beginning of “Hot Shots!” where some guys on an aircraft carrier are playing football, and one dives for the ball off the edge of the ship, disappearing from view? It happened. And it isn’t funny this time.
Israel’s Prime Minister Ariel Sharon has approved a peace plan that includes the creation of a Palestinian State within the next couple of years. Somehow, I’m skeptical. If the Israelis and Palestinians find peace under Dubya, after not doing so despite Clinton’s many attempts to leave behind some sort of non-scandal legacy, I’m just going to, you know, kill myself with a Veg-o-matic.
Name the SNL skit! (Use the comments section)
Ah, and this picture seemed very appropriate:
Liz Taylor lasted only a few minutes at arriving for a screening of her 1956 film “Giant” at the Cannes Film Festival before she broke down crying and had to be escorted away. In related news, many filmgoers broke down crying only a few minutes into a screening of Vincent Gallo’s “The Brown Bunny.”
I find Liz’s struggles quite disheartening, as she was film’s biggest star a few decades back, and she has done some great work for AIDS research–even before it was accepted to do so. Sad as it is, if she had died and Marilyn Monroe had lived, their places in our pantheon of pop culture icons would be reversed.
Several colleges around the country are selling items left behind by students and donating the proceeds to charity. Dumpandrun.org is a company that sets up these massive garage sales where people can find anything from skis to a mink coat. Oh yes, and six tons of Ramen noodles.
This is a great idea, and Dumpandrun.org is to be lauded for their efforts. Unfortunately, despite the organization’s Masschusetts location, I highly doubt my alma mater would even think of using their services. Why give money away when you can use it to take out insurance policies on your students? After all, then they won’t be “dying with nothing to show for their lives” (fifth paragraph).
Joumana Kidd, bruised yet loyal wife of Jason Kidd, wants to replace Melissa Stark on the sidelines during Monday Night Football telecasts (Stark being the token cute girl who brings us nuggets of information such as “each touchdown in this game is worth six points”). I thought ABC couldn’t have two worse sideline reporters than Stark and Eric Dickerson, but Mrs. Kidd may prove me wrong. My only questions are:
1) Whether she’ll bring their child, TJ, onto the field as a prop and make him stay up until 1 AM to get more face time on camera
2) If Patriots fans will chant “wifebeater” when she visits Foxboro…er CMGI…er Gillette Stadium.
“I’m a good mommy.”