Doing Lines Like Dwight Gooden
The 2003 baseball season starts Sunday night. In honor of this, I have written haikus for all 29 major league teams (and one for Tampa Bay). Here’s the American League–the National League will appear on Saturday.
Anaheim Angels
Halos killed Giants
But can they dispatch with that
Damn Rally Monkey?
Boston Red Sox
Always a bridesmaid.
Sabermetric geniuses
Won’t put them in first.
Baltimore Orioles
Ripken plays no more
Expos as future neighbors?
At least Camden’s nice.
Chicago White Sox
It won best picture
But the Academy ain’t
Voting on baseball.
Cleveland Indians
Rebuilding after
“Dynasty,” though they should have
won the Series first.
Detroit Tigers
Their Pujols was Luis.
That is all you need to know
’bout this crappy team.
Kansas City Royals
At last fired Muser.
Might just finish third this year.
Damn, the Central sucks.
Minnesota Twins
Gammons thinks they’ll win.
So did I until I read
His gossip column.
New York Yankees
First first first first first
Playoffs for the ninth straight year.
Hub still thinks they suck.
Oakland Athletics
They will win the West
In Tejada’s best season.
And, with them, his last.
Seattle Mariners
Free-fall continues
Only Rangers’ pitching woes
Keep Ms out of last.
Tampa Bay Devil Rays
They don’t even try.
Why weren’t they contracted by
(Not My) Bud Selig?
Texas Rangers
A-Rod, Rocker, Carl?
One out of three isn’t bad.
That goes for talent, too.
Toronto
They will soon be known
As Canada’s only team.
At least they’re not French.