The Old Blog

I missed part of the State of the Union address, so my comments are going to be based on the transcript of it that my friend Georgiana Cohen (who works for Boston.com) sent me. I’ll lay it out like an email conversation–as though our President were typing directly to me!!

“With unemployment rising, our Nation needs more small businesses to open, more companies to invest and expand, more employers to put up the sign that says, ‘Help Wanted.’”
Then quit giving huge tax breaks to the huge corporations that force these mom-and-pop stores out of business!

“To boost investor confidence, and to help the nearly 10 million seniors who receive dividend income, I ask you to end the unfair double taxation of dividends.”
The people who benefit the most from this are the people who own the most stock–in other words, the ones who are already rich. Repealing the dividend tax, while happy-sounding, will, at best, marginally help the majority of Americans. According to this week’s Time Magazine, 6% percent of those who file taxes would receive two-thirds of the benefits if the dividend tax were repealed. If Bush is really so concerned about people being “double-taxed,” he would eliminate the Social Security tax–or else raise the maximum earnings level higher than $87,000, so the rich would pay a larger (and fairer) proportion of the tax. But that wouldn’t help his wealthy friends like the Waltons (from Wal-Mart Stores), who stand to receive a combined $187 million if the dividend tax is repealed.

“Federal spending should not rise any faster than the paychecks of American families.”
I agree. So what happened to that fat budget surplus you inherited, Mr. President?

“My budget will commit an additional 400 billion dollars over the next decade to reform and strengthen Medicare.”
Another thing I agree with. Let’s hope it is spent wisely.

“Tonight I am proposing 1.2 billion dollars in research funding so that America can lead the world in developing clean, hydrogen-powered automobiles.”
Wow! Three in a row I agree with! But Chevy, Ford, and Chrysler have a ways to go before they beat Honda and Toyota in fuel efficiency.

“I urge you to pass both my faith-based initiative…”
The streak had to end sometime. The Faith-Based Initiative discriminate not only against the non-religious, but also against the non-Christian religious. It allows US citizens’ money to go to religions that they may disagree with, in addition to religions that may willfully discriminate against them (Southern Baptists versus Homosexuals comes to mind).

“Tonight, let us bring to all Americans who struggle with drug addiction this message of hope: The miracle of recovery is possible, and it could be you.”
Yeah, if we’re not showing you commercials that compare you to terrorists or throwing you in jail for smoking a single joint.

“I ask you to protect infants at the very hour of birth, and end the practice of partial-birth abortion.”
The “hour of birth” and “partial-birth abortion” are two very different (and mutually-exclusive) things; see my previous post.

“In Afghanistan, we helped to liberate an oppressed people … and we will continue helping them secure their country, rebuild their society, and educate all their children — boys and girls.”
It’s gonna be tough, considering the problems we are having with these goals domestically.

“In an age of miraculous medicines, no person should have to hear those words. AIDS can be prevented.”
Including by…I don’t know…having condoms available in high schools, or possibly teaching kids about it in health classes, instead of repeating “Abstinence only,” like some crazed, misguided, impossible mantra?

“We have confronted, and will continue to confront, HIV/AIDS in our own country.”
He meant confronting “homos with AIDS,” I’m sure.

“To date we have arrested, or otherwise dealt with, many key commanders of al-Qaida.”
“Otherwise dealt with?” With the smirk on his face, it looks like he took them in the alley out back and beat them. This is possibly the most ambiguous statement of the night. And that’s saying something. Since I first heard Bush speak, I have been waiting for details on almost all of his proposals. Good thing I’m not holding my breath.

“We are working closely with other nations to prevent further attacks.”
Well, with Britain, at least. Our other allies seem to be distancing themselves.

“America and coalition countries have…broken al-Qaida cells in Hamburg, and Milan, and Madrid, and London, and Paris — as well as Buffalo, New York.”
The final city made me laugh out loud. “Oh no, sir!” “What?” “They’re going after the Kodak factory in Rochester!”

“We have…begun inoculating troops and first responders against smallpox…”
Though you chose not to inoculate your family, Mr. President.

“Today, the gravest danger in the war on terror … the gravest danger facing America and the world … is outlaw regimes that seek and possess nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons.”
Like the ones we’ve been giving money to for decades? We’ve thrown cash at Saddam and Osama, remember.

“In Iran, we continue to see a government that represses its people, pursues weapons of mass destruction, and supports terror.”
And Iran’s leaders are thanking Ronald Reagan every day for his support.

“Iranians, like all people, have a right to choose their own government, and determine their own destiny…”
Tell that to the citizens of all the countries where we’ve set up puppet governments.

“It is up to Iraq to show exactly where it is hiding its banned weapons … lay those weapons out for the world to see … and destroy them as directed. Nothing like this has happened.”
I’m not saying this is the case, but what if Iraq doesn’t have any banned weapons? Are we going to keep threatening them unless they show us something they don’t have?

“The United Nations concluded in 1999 that Saddam Hussein had biological weapons materials sufficient to produce over 25,000 liters of anthrax — enough doses to kill several million people. He has not accounted for that material. He has given no evidence that he has destroyed it.”
And I’m sure the US has detailed records on every liter of every potential biological warfare chemical within our borders. How can we expect other countries to play by the rules we dictate to them, when we ourselves fail to follow those same directives?
As an aside, saying “the United Nations concluded” anything is kind of silly. The United Nations was set up as a WWII “winners party.” The US controls the UN (and the World Bank, for that matter) to the point that the UN Security Council cannot pass any measure that the US does not agree with. So while it lends credence to a statement to say “The UN supported this measure,” the truth of it is, the US told the UN what to support.

“The International Atomic Energy Agency confirmed in the 1990s that Saddam Hussein had an advanced nuclear weapons development program, had a design for a nuclear weapon, and was working on five different methods of enriching uranium for a bomb.”
Just showing everyone that it is indeed spelled “new-clee-ar,” not “new-kyoo-lur.”

“This dictator[Hussein] , who is assembling the world’s most dangerous weapons, has already used them on whole villages — leaving thousands of his own citizens dead, blind, or disfigured.”
Did he also rape the innocent women in these villages and set up a puppet government he could control? ‘Cause if he did, he’d be as bad as we were to the Vietnamese.

“We strive for peace…and if war is forced upon us…”
Is he saying that if we want something and Iraq wants something opposite, that Iraq has enough influence on us to “force” us to act against our will? They are “forcing” us to war?

“Adversity has revealed the character of our country, to the world, and to ourselves.”
This character can also be seen in “Joe Millionaire,” Jerry Falwell, and millions of drunken spring break kids.

“We exercise power without conquest, and sacrifice for the liberty of strangers.”
Boy am I glad we finally changed that. No more manifest destiny for us!

“We Americans have faith in ourselves — but not in ourselves alone. We do not claim to know all the ways of Providence, yet we can trust in them, placing our confidence in the loving God behind all of life, and all of history. May He guide us now, and may God continue to bless the United States of America.”
Those lucky Athiests! They get to live in this country without believing in the unseen power behind it!

I honestly worry that the U.S. will fail to be “the greatest country in the world” when I retire.

President Bush just said, “I ask you to protect infants at the very hour of birth, and end the practice of partial-birth abortion.” The problem is, despite the moniker, partial-birth abortion is not killing a child who is halfway out of the mother, it is aborting a fetus in the third trimester. That’s a big difference. And regardless of what you feel about abortion or third-trimester abortion, once the “hour of birth” hits, the time for “partial birth” abortions has passed. Therefore, the first part of Bush’s quote (“protect infants at the very hour of birth”) has nothing to do with the end (“end the practice of partial-birth abortion”). The term “partial birth abortion” was adopted by the media after an intense race between the pro-life and pro-choice camps to coin a term for the procedure (pro-choicers wanted “third trimester abortion” or “late-term abortion”). Obviously, the pro-lifers won.

I recently applied to what amounted to my dream job at Redtree Productions here in Boston. I went pretty far in the interviewing process, but in the end, they decided to give the position to someone who had previously interned there. So while I am very disappointed, I completely understand their decision.
The point is, if anybody knows of a job opening near Boston in the film/tv/writing/editing fields, please shoot me an email.

I sponsored the baseball-reference.com page of the best one-day wonder in baseball history, John Paciorek. It cost me $5, which is cheap considering how helpful the site is. It’s the imdb of baseball.

Poor Rick Mast has been forced to retire from stock-car racing due to the excessive amounts of carbon monoxide he inhaled over the course of his career. In fact, he can no longer drive any open-air, gasoline-powered vehicle, including a riding lawnmower!
Now it’s not as though NASCAR needs another reason to shut down (crash-related deaths, safety issues, environmental concerns), but it has one. The problem is that, as Lee Spencer points out, NASCAR doesn’t seem to react to problems until they have injured or killed someone. Like so many “keep your damn government laws off me or I’ll shoot you” Libertarians and Republicans, NASCAR would rather allow an unsafe environment than enact rules prohibiting dangerous behavior. At least this fits with their target demographic.

The star of Gremlins has been arrested for attempting to steal a Deep Purple CD from an L.A. Tower Records store. This story would be much more exciting if it were Gizmo or even Stripe who had stolen the album. Instead, it’s Zach Galligan (Billy), so who cares?

On the same day the Ohio High School Athletic Association ruled that his $50,000 Hummer was obtained through acceptable means, LeBron James backed said Hummer into an 88-year-old woman’s Dodge Stratus. His excuse? He didn’t see her. If LeBron’s eyesight is so bad that he can’t see a Dodge Stratus in his rearview mirror, how is he going to survive in the NBA? Maybe he just needs a chauffeur…or a car smaller than a 747.

Well the Superbowl wasn’t that exciting, and neither were the commercials. Nonetheless, here’s my running diary, Sports Guy-Style, of the game and the ads:

Schwab: A bunch of bankers marching together. Not very good, but I’m not sure if it was one of the ‘good commercials.” Maybe they should give us notice for when those start.
NFL: Alright, the Terminator 3 commercial! Oh wait, it’s some dumb ad for football players. Wait, I thought Arnold didn’t do commercials in the US; didn’t he recently sue someone, citing his desire to only advertise in Austria?
Honda Element: I’m already sick of Honda Element commercials; those kids annoy me, what with their money and carefree lifestyles…man I need a job.
6:12 Celine Dion is singing God Bless America. Did anyone tell the Canadian that that is not our national anthem? Although I guess Vegas is her “home sweet home” now.
6:14 Hillary Quote 1: “That guy’s already sweating – he’ll never make it through the game.”
Element: It’s already commercial 3 – hey, what happened to their hybrid cars?
6:21 Hillary Quote 2: “Every commercial I’ve seen for ‘Miracles’ (an ABC show) has had someone covered in blood.”
Schwab: Some guy is running away, and oh! The mailman has his financial statements! How anticlimactic; I haven’t seen a good financial commercial in…well, ever. B-
6:26 My favorite weird football stat is that Tampa Bay has never run a kick back.
6:27 Man, the Vikings have to be pissed Johnson and Gannon both used to start for them.
6:31 Hillary Quote 3, while ABC is announcing the Raiders’ offensive lineup: “None of them went to very good schools.”
Budweiser: A zebra “official” is going over the instant replay of a horse football game. It’s a good reference to the previous Budweiser horse football commercial, but the last line, “It’s a zebra,” was unnecessary. B+
Chrysler Crossfire: Ugh, if you’ve seen one luxury car commercial you’ve seen ‘em all. D
Quiznos: The only good part is John Facenda, the voice of NFL Films. But the president of Quiznos has a dead parakeet in his apartment! Plus, their subs are overpriced and take too long to make. C
6:43: The Raiders have some great names (Napoleon Kaufman and Lincoln Kennedy), but they’re no match for Patriots Lawyer Milloy, Ty Law, Tedy Bruschi, and Tebucky Jones.
Pepsi Twist: Oh look, the Osbornes. Oh crap, it’s Pepsi Twist. The Osmonds are an ok twist, but who doesn’t hate Kelly? Or Donnie and Marie, for that matter? C
Federal Express: Castaway? Wasn’t that from 2000? Ok, what was in the box? I know the DVD said it was a global GPS solar-powered cell phone, but… oh man! They’re playing this off as an original idea? Either way, it would have been funnier two years ago when the movie was in theaters. D
The Hulk: While I like Ang Lee, all of the CGI makes it look too cartoony. C
Bud Light: World’s strongest man rip-off. It’s ok, but you knew weak people were coming to take the fridge. C+
Dodge: I also saw the “speed up stop” Heimlich maneuver coming – yuck!! All over the windshield!! What the hell? D+
6:50 Hillary Quote 4: “Do they make double chinstraps for double chins?”
Matrix Reloaded: I couldn’t stand the original – nothing in this impresses me, either. The problem is, everybody – including cereal bar commercials – uses the technology now, so it’ll seem cliche. C-
Nike? Probably. So I finally have seen the new Jordan commercial. Cute, but I thought it would have more basketball action; bringing NC Jordan in at the end is great. C+
ESPN: A Superbowl ring in the food? Not one of their best. C
Anger Management: Adam Sandler hits a monk…great. Just once, I want to see a movie where he doesn’t go crazy at all. This is the kind of movie Nicholson does to pay the bills. Oh, and look! A cheap gay joke! Haha, those Europeans. C-
H&R Block: Willie Nelson and taxes are funny! The problem is, if he did the commercials making fun of his tax evasion, he must really need money. B+
Bud Light: An upside-down clown pours a beer in what appears to be his butt. Cheap but funny visual. B
7:00 Is it really spelled “mic’d”? I would write “miked.”
7:08 Hillary Quote 5: “You know what they (Raiders) look like? Storm troopers.”
Visa: Yao Ming tries to write a check without ID. He has two lines: “Can I write a check?” and “Yao.” Who didn’t see the “yo Yao” thing coming? Here’s the script: Can I write a check? Yo Yao Yo Yao Yo Yao Can I write a check? Yo Yao Yo Yao Yo Yao Can I write a check? Yo Yo-gi. That’s it. B
Anti-drugs: Drug money supports terrible things. Hey, so does the US government, and in much greater amounts. C-
Nissan Altima: I’ve already seen the ad, and what’s so big about taillights? D, especially because it was during the Superbowl and they didn’t make a new commercial.
Bud Light: A guy uses his dog as an afro. I saw that coming, too, but funny visuals. B
Daredevil: Why does he jump with backflips? That looks so weird. A red-headed Affleck is cute. B-
Monster: A runaway truck. Hey, now Monster has blue-collar jobs. Problem is, what if these blue-collar workers don’t have Internet access? Not exactly their target demographic. C+
Sierra Mist: Another dog commercial. It’s the same dog and guy as precious commercial – are they Sierra Mist’s mascots? That dog has disturbing teeth, although I wish I had a dog strong enough to open a fire hydrant with its tail. C+
Hanes: Jackie Chan and Michael Jordan introduce the tagless T-shirt. Why didn’t someone think of that before? This ad also illustrated my point that everyone has access to Matrix technology. Man, is that movie going to look dumb. B+ (plus for the idea)
Don’t smoke: It’s funny when the little kid trying to play baseball falls. Then he grows up. Hillary Quote 6: “He turned out hot!! Look at his stomach.” You know, if the anti-drug agencies want to stop people from using illegal substances, there needs to be better anti-drug commercials. Truth.com still has the best so far C+
Alias: I should really check that show out, but it’s up against the Simpsons – speaking of which, I’m glad Fox is showing the crappy movie “Independence Day” opposite the Superbowl so I don’t have to choose between my favorite shows and the game.
Sierra Mist: Monkeys are funny, but this one has a weird smile – does Sierra Mist screw up your animal’s teeth? B+
Trident: A squirrel bites the fifth dentist in the crotch this time; how many crotch ads have there been? B-
Bud Light: Haha. A crab was in the shell. Why didn’t Bud Light buy less commercial time and make like 2 quality commercials, rather than 6 stupid, sexist ones? C-
Miracles: Everyone is all bloody!! Hill was right!
7:36 That NFL symbol on the net is kinda cool.
Bad Boys II: A Bay/Bruckheimer movie with explosions? What are the odds? Will Smith was under no obligation to make the sequel, was he? Wow, have he and Martin Lawrence had different career paths. D+
Bud Light: A guy thinks he’ll get yelled at for having a crush on a woman’s girlfriend, and she says, “date both of us.” Not funny. D
Visa: Another annoying Barber Bros. commercial – it’s slightly different, but that saleswoman’s “OKOKOKOKOK” gets on my nerves. D+
Dragnet: Man I hope this show is good, since I’m recapping it for The Diet Coke of Snark.
7:43 What’s wrong with Rich Gannon? His throws are all over the place, and the receivers keep dropping his few good passes.
Terminator 3: Finally, the real T3 commercial. It’s late in the series, so you need a girl, right? (See Batman, Karate Kid) C-
Levi’s: Let’s see, a David Lynch-esque herd of Buffalo running into the city – could this be a Fallon commercial? Yup, Levi’s. Man, those actors look dirty. C
“I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here:” No, you’re Melissa Rivers, we’ll leave you. D-
Mlife: I still don’t know what Mlife exactly is. The Gilligan’s Island song was cute. They had free lunches on the minnow? C+
7:56 This is the first playoff game this year I’ve seen where running played a big part.
8:03 Halftime. Both the game and commercials have been disappointing so far; John Gruden’s knowledge of his former team has been the difference so far.
NFL: Uggh, I hate these Don Cheadle commercials (though I like Don Cheadle). “Annoying: annoying is the Macarena, it is something you hate with a passion…annoying is hating something because you see it over and over and it wasn’t that good in the first place…the NFL took annoying…and made it Annoying.”
Jimmy Kimmel: So how much is he going to rely on Adam Corolla? Read the Sports Guy’s requisite ABC/ESPN/Disney masturbatory interview.
Coors Lite: Hah! Somebody is fast-forwarding to the “good parts” (read “Twins parts”) of the commercial. A funny deconstruction of their previous ads, although it is the second ff/rw commercial we’ve seen today. B
Chevy: Just another car commercial: trucks driving around curves, in the snow, etc. Bo-ring. D
United Way: They have some funny commercials. I’ve seen this one (Matt Birk) before, but it’s still better than most of the stuff on today. B+
8:13 Halftime show begins. Shania’s wearing an interesting outfit – her breasts look like two disco balls tucked into her shirt.
8:20 Whoa, Gwen Stefani is surrounded by XFL cheerleader rejects! Or maybe Baseketball? The Replacements?
8:20 So the halftime show consists of country-pop, 3rd wave ska, and 2nd wave ska. Music from three different decades, no less.
8:22 Hey, is Shania Twain still on that crane above the crowd? It’s pretty obvious that she was the only performer who wasn’t willing to sing live tonight. Her song sounded like a CD.
The Bachelorette: Another commercial uses the instant replay tactic. Still kinda funny. B
Mercury: A car in the snow and a country version of “Crazy ’bout a Mercury.” Nothing new. C-
Verizon Business DSL: I love DSL, but this commercial was written quicker than Alanis Morrisette’s “Hand in My Pocket.” D+
Honda: ANOTHER car commercial. Will it drive through the snow? Nope! Congrats, Honda! Still boring though. D+
8:35 Yuck, that guy’s all bloody!
Bruce Almighty: Jim Carrey looks cute, but we probably just saw all the best parts. Still, who wouldn’t like to be God for a while? B-
Diet Pepsi: Looks like Woodstock, what with the mud. So are they still telling us Diet Pepsi makes you young? Oh ha ha. The old person said “mosh pit.” Ha. D+
Jobs.com: “Rainbow Connection” is a great song, but it made no sense in the context of the commercial. C-
8:40 Why the hell are cheerleaders on both teams wearing long sleeves? They’re warm-weather teams in a warm-weather stadium!
8:44 All week I’ve been waiting to see “Jimmy Kimmel after the Superbowl,” but I just realized that it’s on 2 hours after the game. Hell, by that rationale, “Will & Grace” is on after the Superbowl.
8:49 If Keenan McCardell is going to keep trying to dunk his touchdown balls over the goalpost, he needs another couple inches on his vertical. (27-3)
Bud Light: The girlfriend’s mom’s huge thighs were funny, but I’ve had enough of this genre of commercials. B-
Subway: Jared dreams about having a Subway in his house. At least his wife is cute. C-
Charlie’s Angels 2: Bernie Mack is branching out into dumb movies now. Congratulations, Bernie. C
Cadillac: More cars going around corners, but at least it takes place on a subway, and look, he’s gone forward in time! Wow, this commercial should have been 15 seconds shorter. C+
Miracles: More blood on the face
8:55 The Pro Bowl and the NHL All-star game are both next weekend? Good idea, since nobody really cares about either.
8:56 Hillary Quote 7, after Tampa Bay returns an INT for a TD: “I don’t think Oakland is going to win.” Has Jerry Rice caught a ball yet? (34-3)
Anti-Drugs: So this girl is preggers because she smoked pot, not because she had unprotected sex. This is as dumb as the loaded gun spot. D- It would have gotten an F, but the commercial fooled me into thinking the mom was preggers.
The Recruit: Damn Recruit commercials. You what’s most annoying? How Al Pacino prounces “aaaah-jyle.” D-
George Foreman Grill: “I grill with George.” So? D
Search for America’s Sexiest People: Are you hot? Not as hot as these people. Mmm…eye candy…
Reebok: Terry Tate, office linebacker. This is one of the top 3 new commercials I’ve seen today. A big football player keeps nailing office workers who screw up. Violence is funny, but how does that relate to shoes? B+
Bud Light: This guy has three arms. How did he get three arms? Stupid. And another dumb male/female sexual relations ad. D+
9:05 Hey, Jerry Rice caught one – albeit 42 minutes into the game.
9:11 Commentator quote of the night (With Tampa Bay up big, and nothing exciting happening):
Madden: “I’m going to be contrarian and disagree with you.”
Michaels: “Anything to hold an audience.”
Exactly.
WBMason: Is he related to Perry Mason? That’s not my joke; that’s part of the ad. Order in the court, throw the book at her, ugh this looks like a bad sitcom. We need more women’s prison shots and fewer dumb lines. According to Hillary, this was on before. It must have been so unremarkable I hadn’t noticed it. C-
Smirnoff Ice: To get a woman out of a blind date, a guy pretends he is “Alex” (her name), and introduces himself to a greasy-looking guy whose license plates read, “The Brad.” Funny. B+
9:23 Raiders blocked a punt and ran it back for a TD! (34-15).
9:24 Hillary Quote 8: “Special teams coach? For the retarded players?”
Budweiser: Another commercial with a character named Brad. A woman tells him he’s a great listener, but he’s watching football instead. Ok, Anheuser-Busch, we’ve had enough. C
ESPN: Fans of crappy teams talk about how they will win “next year.” Cubs, Lions, Red Sox. A good theme, if painful to watch. B
Cadillac CT: Another car going around curves. B-
9:32 What a terrible pass interference call. Yao Ming couldn’t have caught that!
9:36 Woo-hoo! Gramatica doesn’t get to kick the figgie – a Garo Ypremian flashback.
Sony: Hey, good Alana Davis song. “When your kids ask where the money went, show them the tape.” Sounds like my step-dad’s plan for my inheritance. B
Mlife: Antique Roadshow takeoff. Haha, wires will be obsolete in the future. I still don’t understand what the hell Mlife is. B-
9:40 Hillary Quote 9, while watching a slow-motion replay of a rotund offensive lineman: “He looks like Shamu in spandex.”
Bud Light: At least this one wasn’t sexist, but it had the “How are you doing? I’m fine” annoying Cowboy guy. C-
Mastercard: A couple has a fun date while Presidents (cash, get it?) sit at home, bored. B-
AOL: They will replay the Superbowl commercials on their website after the game. Too bad nobody told them how much most of the ads would suck. Also a stupid pratfall. B-
“8 Simple Rules…,” “According to Jim:” Great, a fart doll. ABC has the worst sitcoms on TV – including UPN.
9:45 Hillary Quote 10, while seeing the Radiers WRs on screen: “They’re Tom and Jerry and Brown Rice.” You were close, Hill – it’s Tim.
9:47 Touchdown, Jerry Rice! Another missed 2-point conversion? Yup. Why the hell can’t they review that? Now the Raiders lose a timeout over a bad call and a stupid rule, not that it would have made a difference.
Myfico: Another boring financial commercial. C-
The Osbornes DVD: Ooh, all the things you didn’t see on the show…so do they actually keep the swearing? C-
Michelob: Apparently, drinking lo-carb beer is as good as joining Bally’s. Lo-carb beer isn’t exactly Diet Coke, but the ad had good eye candy. B-
Tennis Championship: Oops, another repeat that didn’t make enough of an impression on me: 8 champions, 1 master? What is that? 8 champions seems like a lot. C-
10:06 Derrick Brooks runs back another INT; that’s the game. (41-21) Who’s my fav-rit player? Mr. Derrick Brooks!
10:09 Keyshawn’s son is on the sidelines. Hillary Quote 11: “Don’t put him down; he’ll run in front of home plate!” And who says she doesn’t know sports?
10:12 Ouch! 48-21. Gannon threw a Superbowl record 5 INTs, with 3 returned for touchdowns. He’s probably going home to slit his wrists…with any luck, he’ll miss then, too.
10:15 Hillary Quote 12: “World Champs? It’s not like you were even playing against Guam!”
Bud Light: Boys watch a yoga class just to ogle women in spandex. This is beyond enough. D
Hanes: Same commercial as before. I think we’re at the end. Maybe they should warn us when the “good commercials” end, too.
Lamisil AT: Apparently, Lamisil couldn’t afford an ad during the game. People are kicking a lot of air, now that their athlete’s foot is gone. C
Monster: Same as before. OK, time to turn off the game. Jimmy Kimmel will be on in a few hours. Goodnight, everybody!

The Florida Marlins made the stupid decision to sign Pudge Rodriguez this week. I’ll let RCedenoRocks, a poster on the Rob Neyer Message Board, explain why this was a bad move:

I swear there are still so many bad general managers and organizations in MLB, it makes you shake your head every time you see stuff like this, and wonder how in the world these people still have jobs.

They dump at bargain basement prices over the last 12 months: Preston Wilson, Mike Hampton, Kevin Millar, Ryan Dempster, Antonio Alfonseca and Matt Clement… they even pick-up most of Mike Hampton’s contract in a deal for an overrated reliever (Tim Spooneybarger)….

…and then they sign an injury prone catcher for $10 million…. when they already have Mike Redmond who isnt all that bad.

Explain to me how you are a better team (or even a more marketable team) with Pudge, Hollandsworth, Pierre and Mark Redman instead of Preston Wilson, Millar, Dempster and Clement for roughly the same money???

Indeed. Not to mention that Florida plays in the National League, so they won’t get Pudge as a DH unless they’re at an American League ballpark during Interleague play. Therefore, they have paid $10 million for a player who will (at most) play in 110 games or so this year. Plus the contract is deferred, so when Pudge is gone in a year (and I can’t see Florida wanting to re-sign him at the end of the season), the Marlins will be paying a couple million a year for the next few seasons to a player who isn’t even on their roster! And while Pudge was the best defensive catcher of the 90s (and probably still is today), he isn’t $10-million-for-a-year-good.

The only way this could work out for Florida is if Jorge Posada goes down in the middle of the season, the Yankees offer Florida tons of cheap prospects for Pudge, and Pudge decides to waive his no-trade clause to join the Evil Empire for a couple months.

Bored? Try running a Lemonade Stand.