The Old Blog

The University of Minnesota Golden Gophers won their first bowl game since 1985 today when they defeated the University of Arkansas Razorbacks 29-14 in the (tee-hee) Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl. Congratulations go to coach Glen Mason, who has made the program respectable again, and to kicker Dan Nystrom, who broke the Big Ten’s all-time record for most field goals in a career and won the game’s MVP award. If the basketball team could regenerate some dignity during the Big Ten season, I would have a team to root for between now and the time spring training starts.

The World Series rings that once belonged to Dick Martin, former trainer for the Minnesota Twins, are up for grabs on eBay. I hope Mr. Martin was not forced to sell the rings because of financial difficulty; one reason the Twins won the ‘87 and ‘91 Series was their ability to stay off the disabled list. Judging by the stories I linked to, the circumstances surrounding Martin’s departure were suspect, at best. It’s very interesting that the Twins fired their longtime pitching coach Dick Such (with the Twins since 1985) and even longer-time trainer Martin (since 1972) last offseason, and then had most of their starting pitching staff spend significant portions of the season on the DL.

I spent the last week in Minnesota and Iowa with various members of my family, and thus was unable to post. Now I’m back, looking for work, and ready to blog.

Former Viking and current Dolphin Cris Carter was caught on television this weekend telling his teammates that Viking kicker Gary Anderson wouldn’t make a game-winning 53-yard field goal. The look on his face when Anderson’s kick grazed the right upright and went in was pure gold. Meanwhile, the 43-year-old Anderson had some choice comments about Carter, his divisiveness, and his dropped touchdown reception earlier in the game.

The absolute worst (and funniest) rendition of “Oh, Holy Night” I have ever heard is online at Minneapolis-based station KS95.

Found on the personals board at Craigslist, and passed on to me:
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my mistress gave to me
Twelve strokes with a strap on, eleven face sittings,
Ten toes to worship, nine hours of licking,
Eight high heel stomps, seven bare ass floggings,
Six candles dripping,
Five seconds of pee.
Four metal cuffs, three anal beads, two nipple clamps
And a cock extension chasity belt.

Happy holidays, everyone!!

Someone finally caught up to the source of the ubiquitous (in Cambridge, at least) “Santa Is Real” graffiti–well, sort of. Despite revelations of her gender (female), age (40), parental status (10-year-old-daughter), and past (punk rock and commercial art), the tagger behind the heartwarming graffiti refused to give the Weekly Dig her name. The Dig got more information than the older, more respected, and better established Phoenix, which is a bit of a Christmas Miracle in itself.
Personally, I’m just happy that it’s a person reminding people of the wonders of innocence, rather than a religious or political statement (Santa Israel, anyone?).

The Atlanta Braves continue to lower the likelihood of them winning their division for the 12th season in a row (not including the 1994 strike year), as they decided to trade 18-game winner Kevin Millwood for Philadelphia Phillies backup catcher Johnny Estrada, who hit a robust .118 last year. While Braves GM John Schuerholz claimed economics as a factor in the decision, I have to wonder if giving away your second-best remaining pitcher to a division rival is worth saving the $10,000,000 last year, especially considering that the Braves already lost Tom Glavine to the division rival Mets and the Phillies already signed Jim Thome this offseason. Meanwhile, Atlanta has signed pitcher-of-questionable-talent Mike Hampton and happy-to-leave-Kansas-City Paul Byrd, without improving their struggling offense. It’s gonna be a tight, taut race in the NL East next year.

Trent Lott has finally decided to step down as Republican leader of the Senate. While I am happy to see this, I am also quite surprised that Lott’s comments drew so much negative attention. After all, he has made similar comments in the past, and never faced wrath like he has in the past month. And wasn’t there a Republican strategist who could have passed his “all those problems” comment off as being anti-hippie/communist/homosexual/feminist/any other group it’s still “ok” to hate? After all, Strom Thurmond was definitely anti-hippie/commie/homo/lesbo/et cetera in 1948. Steve Silver wisely notes Google’s role in the controversy.

…makes the United States look stupid. At the UN-sponsored Asian and Pacific Populations Conference, the United States once again gave the rest of the world a reason to laugh at us for being a stubborn cowboy sitting backwards in a saddle. Instead of voting with every country, the U.S. had to raise a big fuss over phrases such as “reproductive health services” and “reproductive rights,” which our delegate presumably and (incorrectly) saw as “Hey!! The United Nations wants every boy and girl to have abortions and engage in premarital sex!! They both feel g-r-r-r-reat!!” The U.S. raised such a big stink, in fact, that the conference had to hold rare votes on two paragraphs in the plan of action–votes that saw the US lose, 31-1 and 32-1 (with two abstaining each time).
Attending countries included China, India, and Pakistan–countries that have been repeatedly berated for female genital mutilation, barring women from showing their faces in public, and crimes against humanity. Yet these countries are more progressive in their views on teaching sexuality and overpopulation than the U.S. Are we really so backward and uncosmopolitan that we have to stick to these Puritan views of a natural feeling? Are we truly trying to suppress every hormone in every one of our citizens under the age of 26 (the average age of first marriage)? Do we really believe that not telling kids about sex is going to stop them from having it? Apparently, we do. And as long as the Connecticut Cowboy is in the White House, that will be the plan of action. We cannot continue to run our nation based on values that failed to stop extramarital sex and immorality 50 years ago. Perhaps people back then were more willing to deny what occurred. Or perhaps they were better at covering it up.